Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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