Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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