after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
