Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
