Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
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Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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