Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize