At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
