party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
