Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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