finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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