Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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