I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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