My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
