last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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