Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
