We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
