Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
