Christians are straight up FREAKS
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
