My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
