Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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