He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
