i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
