Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
