To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
