I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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