I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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