Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
