Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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