so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
