I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
