i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
