just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
