What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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