Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He passed out mid-signature
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
