I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
