Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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