the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
