I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
