oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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