so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Couch. On fire.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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