Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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