jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
