Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Soap is not a condiment
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
