Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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