YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
