I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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