i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Randomize
