i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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