My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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