Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
