In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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