Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
