I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
