dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
