im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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