On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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