I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I still have a little drunk in my system
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
