I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
