Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
