so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
