What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
