YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
