ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
