I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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