You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
