After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
